Who’s Winning, Me or the Deployment? (Part II)

6 Comments

In WWMotD (Part I), we took a look at the argument that this deployment is kicking my ass. I blithely promised that in Part II, I would enumerate all the ways in which I was actually winning at this deployment.

I never should have tempted Murphy so. He apparently took it as a personal challenge and thereafter set out to prove that this deployment is kicking my ass — now with added bonus steel-toed boots!

The fact that my air conditioner shit the bed today after I’d already had a repairman out to fix (“fix,” apparently) it on Friday is merely the icing on the cake. I get it, Murphy. You win. You have officially wiped the milspouse can-do, grin-and-bear-it, independent-and-proud-of-it smile off my face. I just want my husband to come home before a bolt of lightning from some unholy partnership between Murphy and Zeus fries all the electronics in the house just to punctuate my abject non-winningness, or something.

Happy frakking Independence Day. We have proven that I am not.

All I Have to do is Dream?

6 Comments

This morning I dreamed that Sampson was home. It was a soft, quiet dream, untouched by the frantic edge of anxiety-driven nightmares and the brain-bending surreality of those weird dreams whose true bizarreness is only apparent upon recalling them with waking memory. My unconscious mind sketched a cozy, domestic scene this time: just us, sleepily spooning on a couch while watching some mildly interesting show about a massive bookstore on TV.

“I am so glad you’re home. This is perfect,” I murmured, and he pulled me closer.

“I know, it’s great. Couch naps rock,” he said, kissing my neck. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Nestled warm and secure and utterly content in his embrace, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

And the dream faded.

And I woke up, alone in our bed, the morning light of the real world sneaking in through the windows to remind me that my husband is still deployed, still thousands of miles and several time zones away from being able to indulge in a lazy afternoon nap with me. Not fair, I thought, muzzily attempting to reconcile the dream’s feeling of solidity with the waking evidence that my husband had been present only in the private universe of REM sleep. Not nice.

It was nice, though. Even the twinge of disappointment that it was just a dream does not cast an irredeemable pall over the tranquility and joy at the heart of my sleeping brain’s creation. Even though he is oceans and continents away, I experience Sampson’s love as a strong and daily presence in my emotional life. My dream this morning, however fleetingly, let me feel as though he were physically by my side.

I miss him very much. Very often my waking thoughts of Sampson’s return focus on the excitement and emotional high of his future homecoming. While wonderful and special and all that good stuff, those dizzy heights are not our favorite part of a reunion. My dream this morning vividly reminded me of all the quieter pleasures to which we can look forward upon his return.

“Ready the couch for the best afternoon nap ever” is definitely getting added to my pre-homecoming checklist.

MilSpouse (First) Friday Fill-In #72

8 Comments

Okay, I know I said my next post would be Part II of “Who’s Winning, Me or the Deployment?” I decided I wanted to play the MilSpouse Friday Fill-In game today instead, especially since I missed it in May. WWMotD (Part II), in which we shall investigate the arguments in favor of the thesis that I am rocking this deployment, should go live sometime after (East Coast) sundown on Saturday; I’m sure you’re all waiting with bated breath to read about my deployment triumphs. 😉

What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?

I would have stopped just a few bites sooner on my birthday cheesecake.

What was your favorite thing that happened in May? 

My parents and my little brother (who is actually much taller than me) came to visit for my birthday. Their stay was peppered with the eating of many delicious meals, boundless laughter, and a few abundant cocktails. Oh, and warbirds.

The P-51 Mustang is surely a “bewitching” airplane. Just look at the nose art.

Boiling the wort

Our brew pot has been sitting idle for far too long.

June includes the first day of summer… what are your plans for the summer?

Apparently my “plans” include a variety of home maintenance items, but they totally don’t count because they’re no fun whatsoever.

My real plans (i.e., the fun ones) include flying as often as possible, seeing a concert at a winery, riding my bike, brewing another batch of beer, and grilling many delicious meats and veggies.

Do you use the services on base (gym, financial planning, family services, daycare)? And if so, what’s your favorite one? (Thanks to Shanon at Modern Meets Traditional for this question!)

We did go to base legal to get wills, advanced directives, and springing durable powers of attorney (a phrase I find enormously entertaining to say: “Springing durable power of attorney! Springing durable power of attorney!”) drawn up for both of us. I found the process to be pretty streamlined for something that involves paperwork.

I strongly recommend that all military couples ensure that both spouses have wills and that they are up to date. It’s simple. Make an appointment at your base legal assistance office. They’ll provide you with worksheets that you each fill out and bring with you to the appointment. At the appointment, you’ll go over everything with a lawyer and make another appointment to come back and sign everything that needs to get signed. Easy-peasy.

Wills and other subjects relating to death are uncomfortable for a lot of people, but I promise you’ll feel better once you get it done. I’m not saying it was a barrel of laughs to contemplate such sobering scenarios, but we’d rather have the documents in hand and not need them for decades and decades than be caught unprepared by a tragedy.

What are you looking forward to in June?

I look forward to crossing another month off the deployment calendar and being one month closer to Sampson’s return. That’s always a worthy milestone to me.

Are you a military spouse/fiancée/fiancé/girlfriend/boyfriend? Hie thee to LTJG Wifey’s blog, snag the questions, and add yourself to the Mr. Linky for this month’s MilSpouse (First) Friday Fill-In!

Who’s Winning, Me or the Deployment? (Part I)

9 Comments

I can’t decide whether I’m rocking this deployment or whether it’s kicking my ass. I can point to arguments in support of both; I’m never sure which way the scales are going to tip on any given day. I don’t remember feeling this weebly-wobbly during last year’s deployment, but that could be selective memory on my part. Or maybe I’m just picking up on the nuances a little more clearly now that it’s not my first one. I don’t know.

Let’s look at the case for “This deployment is kicking my ass.”

The Ass-Kicking

Six-legged Invaders: Ants. They’re fascinating critters when they’re not swarming in my sunroom. The poison I dutifully sprayed around the perimeter of the room and all the windows has helped some, but I’m paranoid that they’re living in the walls and all I’ve done is cut down on the ones I see alive. The dead ones aren’t a whole lot of fun, either.

Drip… Drip… Drip… The remnants of Tropical Storm Beryl brushed by us yesterday, bringing a day of rain. I usually like rainy days for the pleasure of being cozy and dry inside our snug little house. It’s a lot less cozy to realize that the rain has decided that it would like to join me and the cats indoors. It’s not the first time this has happened, but we thought our intrepid homeowner roof-patching skills had taken care of the problem (which had previously only shown up in a crazy storm of the raining-sideways-and-tornado-warning variety, not light steady rain like yesterday). Apparently not. So, now I’m on the hunt for a roofer who can diagnose the problem and fix it — without, I sincerely hope, having to replace the whole roof.

PCS Panic: I know, I know, it’s a little early to start flipping out about orders that are supposed to come next April or May. Except OH WAIT, Sampson recently mentioned to me that if the stars align for the orders he really wants (sorry about the deliberate vagueness), we would have to be at the next duty station in January. That would make December the crunch time for the move, and that is this year. This PCS will be our most complicated yet:

  • We own our house and plan to rent it out. That means whipping a lot of things (such as the ant issue, the leaky roof, the overgrown bushes in the back yard, the fence, the shed behind the garage, the effed-up window in the laundry room…) into shape and finding a property manager and figuring out a whole lot of stuff that is brand-new to us.
  • We have pets this time, which we didn’t for the various flight school PCS moves.
  • We’ve lived here for just about four years now, and the Law of Expanding Crap has ensured that we have more furniture and stuff in general than we did before.

The PCS stress might not be fully attributable to this deployment, but Sampson’s absence points a horrible magnifying glass at everything that absolutely must get done before we move.  All I’m seeing is the inexorable expansion of the to-do list and the months my husband won’t be around to help with any of it.

Lest anyone interpret that as resentment towards Sampson, please note that it is his support and faith in my competence that imbues me with the strength to suck it up and get things done. Most of the time, it’s comfort enough to know that he would be here to do battle with Murphy if he could — most of the time.

Then there are the days where I can all but feel the to-do list looming over my head, mocking me with tasks at which I can wield no experience or expertise. Those are the days when I feel fragile, overwhelmed. I suspect that is a signal that I’ve let my focus drift too wide and I need to squeeze it back down to concentrate on a single step rather than the whole seething mass of Everything that Must Get Done.

And on the days when even tackling a single step threatens to drown me, my best bet is to shunt whatever is currently kicking my ass aside for the moment and contemplate the ways in which I am totally rocking the deployment. That’ll be my next post, “Who’s Winning, Me or the Deployment? (Part II).”

MilSpouse (First) Friday Fill-In #70

4 Comments

It’s here, it’s here! We’ve reached the first Friday in April, which I think is at least as worthy of celebration as that “foolish” day that had us giggling at Internet antics at the beginning of the month. Once we hit sundown, though, we run headlong into Shabbat and the first night of Passover. Chag Pesach Sameach to all who are celebrating, and I hope you have a wonderful seder! May you find delicious and creative ways to enjoy your eight days’ worth of matzoh. 😉

What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?

I would have refrained from eating the entire batch of kettle corn I made whilst waiting for Sampson to return home from some bit of late-night pre-deployment business to which he had to attend. I suspect I added too much sugar for the amount of popcorn I used, so it turned out addictively tasty and far too rich for an evening snack. Alas, my overfull tummy forced me to forgo the whisky Sampson and I had planned to enjoy when he got back from the squadron.

What was your favorite thing that happened in March?

I got to go flying for the first time with my new headset. Not only was it lighter and comfier than the David Clark loaners I’d been borrowing, I didn’t have to wonder about who else had gotten up close and personal with the microphone windscreen before me. The cockpit is a noisy environment, you see, and you need to have the microphone pretty much touching your lips in order to be heard on the radio. As much as I love my fellow Civil Air Patrol volunteers, that esteem does not extend to wishing to make out with their previously used microphones.

Check your phone… who was the last person you called and what is your favorite thing about them?

‘Twas my in-laws, to discuss Passover plans. They’re wonderful folks who have always made me feel like a welcome addition to the family.

If you were a crayon, what color would you be and why?

A green dragon basking in the sun

I drew this green Pernese dragon basking in the sun when I was in high school.

I still remember when Crayola released new crayon colors in 1990. My favorite among the new additions to my crayon box was Jungle Green. The color was perfect for both rich foliage and for the dragons that figured so vividly in my imagination throughout my childhood. I may not take to the sky on gossamer-thin dragon wings, but I feel the same excitement whenever I climb into a small airplane.

What are you looking forward to in April?

This first part of the month is full of family and celebrations. I’m excited to see all kinds of people, but it will be particularly special to meet two new family members this weekend — my cousin and his wife just welcomed a set of twins last week, so I look forward to saying hello to my newest first cousins, once removed.

Are you a military spouse/fiancée/fiancé/girlfriend/boyfriend? Hie thee to LTJG Wifey’s blog, snag the questions, and add yourself to the Mr. Linky for this month’s MilSpouse (First) Friday Fill-In!